Best Friends Forever

Difference between a friend & a real friend?

A friend helps you move. A real friend helps you move a body.

A termite walks into a bar and asks: "Where's the bar tender?"

Three little old ladies were sitting on a park bench feeding the pigeons when a guy in a raincoat walks up and flashes them.

Two of them had a stroke. The third one's arms were too short.

How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex?

Call her and tell her.