Best Friends Forever

Difference between a friend & a real friend?

A friend helps you move. A real friend helps you move a body.

How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.

Why do men like women with small hands?

It makes their dicks look bigger.

Guy goes to his boss and asks for a day off, proudly saying: "My wife's gonna have a baby!" The boss tells him of course you can take the day off.

Two days later the guy shows up for work and the boss asks him: "So... was it a boy or a girl."

The guy replies: "How do I know... it takes nine months!"