Makes You Want To Take An Uber

What is the difference between a New York City taxi and an elephant?

The elephant has the trunk in the front and the asshole in the back.

What's better than being a historic pioneer of women's rights?

Being a man.

A guy says, "For our Twentieth Anniversary, I'm taking my wife to Australia."

His friend says, "That's going to be tough to beat. What're you going to do for your Twenty-Fifth Anniversary?"

The first guy says, "I'm going to go back and get her."

Losing a wife can be hard.

In most cases, it’s damn near impossible.