What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing. You already told her twice.
What do you call a judge with no balls?
Justice Prick
Guy tells his buddy: "I think I've become di-sexual."
Friend asks: "Di-sexual? What the hell is that?"
Guy says: "If I don't get me some pussy pretty soon... I'm gonna kill myself."
A father has three daughters who are all getting married on the same day.
He asks his oldest daughter, "Whom do you wish to marry?" She says, "Father, I wish to marry the man with three dragons on his chest."
He walks over to his second daughter and asks her the same question. She replies, "Father, I wish to marry the man with two dragons on his chest."
He then goes to his youngest daughter and asks her the same question. She replies, "I wish to marry the man with one draggin' on the floor!"