Difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
An ironing board's legs are hard to open.
I know I've been married too long. Last week I went to the doctor. He asked: "Have you had sex in the last seven days?" And I said: "No, my birthday's in April."
A little boy asks his dad: "What's the difference between a pussy and a cunt?"
So his father takes him up to the bedroom where mom is sleeping. "Look at this," he says as he lifts the covers carefully. "That's a pussy son."
"It's wonderful dad, can I touch it?"
"No!" says Dad. "If you touch the pussy you'll wake the cunt up!"
What did Eve wear? A fig leaf.
OK... So what did Adam wear?
A hole in Eve's fig leaf.
