Little Johnny is walking along and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why are you wearin' your collar backwards?" The priest says, "Because I'm a father." Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids and he don't wear his collar backwards." The priest says, "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children." Johnny says, "You should wear your fuckin' trousers backwards!"
Three guys are arguing about who has the longest dick, and they decide the only way to find out once and for all is to go to the Observation Deck of the Empire State Building and hang them over the side.
The first guy says, "Check it out. My pecker reaches down to the 68th floor." The second guy says, "That's nothing. This beauty's dangling down past the 34th floor."
They look over and see the third guy jumping up and down and back and forth. The first guy yells at him, "What the hell are you doing?" He says, "Dodgin' traffic."