Don't Drink And Drive

Dick's Advice: Best way to avoid an alcohol-related accident? Get so fucked up you can't find your car.

Put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together... what do you have?

100 people who don't do dick.

I asked my wife to give me a blow job. She said "Can't you be more romantic?"

So I told her "Sure, give me a blow job... in the rain."

And that's when the fight started...

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

Rename the email folder 'Instruction Manuals'