Don't Drink And Drive

Dick's Advice: Best way to avoid an alcohol-related accident? Get so fucked up you can't find your car.

What is the smallest hotel in the world?

A pussy, cause you have to leave the bags outside.

My wife's losing weight now thanks to a weight loss club. She goes near the fridge, I hit her with the club.

What do you call a woman who can suck a lemon through a 40-foot garden hose.

Darling.