How Long Has That Condom Been In Your Wallet?

What do a wife & a condom have in common?

They both spend wayyy more time in your wallet than on your dick.

A bum walks up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and says: "I haven't eaten anything in four days!"

She looks back at him and says: "God I wish I had your will power."

I have a a real problem with sex and booze...

Every time I have sex, my girlfriend boos.

What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?

A mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.