How Long Has That Condom Been In Your Wallet?

What do a wife & a condom have in common?

They both spend wayyy more time in your wallet than on your dick.

My wife and I were lying in bed last night. She gently leaned over and whispered: "I'm going to make you the happiest man in the world."

So I leaned over and whispered back: "I'm going to miss you."

And that's when the fight started...

How are blondes like computers?

You never appreciate them until they go down on you.

Last night, I finally realized a longtime fantasy... I came all over my girlfriend's face.

Man, was she pissed when she woke up.