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Do What Mama Says

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His date warned him: "My mama made me promise I'd say 'NO' to all your advances."

He says: "Sure, no problem. You wouldn't mind if I fucked you in the ass, would ya?"

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What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?

Gloves! 

Just kidding, I don't know what he got, he hasn't opened it yet.

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What's a birth control pill?

That's the other thing a girl can put in her mouth to keep from getting pregnant.

Where Else?

Two old folks were flirting at a senior's singles mingle. After a few drinks, the old man asks the old woman, "If I took you out for a romantic night of wining, dining and dancing, what would you wear?"

The old woman replied shyly, "Depends... ."

"Depends on what?" he asked. "On my ass -- where else?!"