What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.
A son asks, "Dad, how come I have brown skin and you are white?"
"Well son, just take a look at your mother,".
"But Dad, she's not black either."
"I know, you idiot! She's a fucking whore!"
One night my wife asked me to take out the garbage.
I told her: "You cooked it, you take it out."
And that's when the fight started...
You know why men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?
Because they are tired of using their own.
