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Only The Best For My Princess

Category: Dick Jokes
Published: 28 July 2016
Hits: 2665

A father has three daughters who are all getting married on the same day.

He asks his oldest daughter, "Whom do you wish to marry?" She says, "Father, I wish to marry the man with three dragons on his chest."

He walks over to his second daughter and asks her the same question. She replies, "Father, I wish to marry the man with two dragons on his chest."

He then goes to his youngest daughter and asks her the same question. She replies, "I wish to marry the man with one draggin' on the floor!"

Reason To Stay Single

Category: Just Plain Funny
Published: 27 July 2016
Hits: 2859

The laundromat: a bad place to find chicks.

If she can't afford a washing machine how can she support you?

He Oughta Be Hit With That Ruler

Category: And that's when the fight started...
Published: 26 July 2016
Hits: 2724

My wife caught me measuring my dick and snickered: "So how long is it?"

I told her: "Long enough to reach the back of your sister's throat!"

And that's when the fight started...

I'm A Little Hungry

Category: Just Plain Funny
Published: 25 July 2016
Hits: 3245

An old guy and his wife are sitting on the couch watching TV. The old gal tells her husband: "Go in the kitchen and get me some ice cream." So the old guy gets up and shuffles off to bring his sweetie a treat. By the time he gets to the kitchen he totally forgets what he's there for. So he opens the fridge, looks around and finally grabs some eggs and bacon. He whips up a quick batch of bacon and eggs and heads back to the den.

When he walks in carrying the plate his wife looks up with a scowl and barks: "You forgot the toast!"

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Let There Be Light

How many Irishmen does it take to change a light bulb?

Ten. 1 holds the bulb & 9 drink till the room spins.

The Spoils Of War

An elderly Italian man went to his parish priest to make confession. He told the priest, "Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her." "That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess." said the priest.

"It's worse, Father. I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with sex" continued the old man. The priest thought for a moment then told him, "Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk - you both would have suffered terribly if the Germans had found you were hiding her. I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the bad, and judge you kindly."

"Thanks, Father." said the old man. "That's a load off of my mind. Say, can I ask one more question?" "Certainly, my son." said the priest. The old man asked him, "Do I need to tell her the war's over?"

Come Before the Judge

What do you get when you sleep with a judge?

An honorable discharge.

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