Every Frickin' Joke
Best Bar In Town
- Category: Just Plain Funny
- Hits: 2228
Three guys are in a bar discussing which joint in town has the best deal on drinks.
The first guy boasts, "There's a bar on the South Side where the bartender will set up a free drink for every one you buy."
The next guy says, "That's nothing! Over on the West Side there's a bar where the bartender will pour you a double shot free for every one you buy."
The last guy is totally unimpressed and says, "That's nothing. There's a place somewhere on the North Side where the owner buys you drinks all night. Then when the bar closes, he takes you into a back room with a cot makes love to you all night."
The first two guys are shocked but a little skeptical, so they ask if he's actually been there. "Nope," the guys says, "But my sister told me all about it."
No Rest For This Piece
- Category: Dick Jokes
- Hits: 1887
A guy walks into a whorehouse looking for some action. He goes up to the madame and asks,"Hey, can I get a piece from one of your fine ladies?"
"Sorry sir," the madame responds, "but, we're all full." "Aw, please." he begs, "I'm super horny and I really need some poontang!"
The madame thinks for a moment then answers, "Well, there is one girl left but when you go meet her you have to wear this black condom." "Whatever," the guy shrugs and runs upstairs.
A few hours later he comes back down and says, "Wow, that was great. She didn't even make any noise. But why did I have to wear the black condom?"
The madame answered, "Out of respect for the dead."
I'll Never Forget What's Her Name
- Category: Just Plain Funny
- Hits: 1875
A guy visiting his old friend for dinner one evening was very impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. The couple had been married nearly 50 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.
While the wife was in the kitchen, the guest leaned over to his host and commented: "I think it's wonderful that after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names."
The old man hung his head and sighed: "I have to tell you the truth. Her name slipped my mind about 10 years ago and I'm scared shit to ask the old bitch what it is..."
One Way To Drive Home The Point
- Category: Dick Jokes
- Hits: 2373
A guy gets on a bus sits down next to a very attractive nun. Totally enamored he boldly asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally the nun says no and gets off at the next stop. The guy goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of any way he might be able to have sex with the nun.
"Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you."
So the guy figures he would give it a try. He dresses up in his best God costume and hides out in the cemetery. At eight he sees the nun arrive. Just as she starts to pray he jumps out to confront her as God.
"Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The guy tells her she must first have sex with him to prove her faith. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, as he ravages her from behind. When it's over, the guy suddenly pulls off his God disguise and shouts: "Haha! I'm the man from the bus!"
"Haha!" the nun says back to him while pulling her costume off, "I'm the bus driver!"
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