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Dick Jokes

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The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

We're On The Air

Hits: 2444

A cute young blonde goes to a radio station late one night and kocks on the door. The all-night D.J. lets her in and chats to her between songs. Pretty soon he starts getting really horny. Finally, he can't stand it any more. So he rolls his chair over in front of her, stands on it, takes out his dick and sticks it right in her face. He looks down at her and says, "You know what to do!"

She looks up at him and says, "I-I think so." He says, "Then go ahead."

She grabs it and screams into it, "I just want to say hello to Terry and Holly and the whole gang at Matt's Grill."

Analyze This

Hits: 3020

A guy visits a psychiatrist and lies on the couch. The doc asks: "What's your problem?"

The guy tells him, "Doc, I can't seem to make any friends. Can you help me, you fat fuck?"

A Lesson Learned

Hits: 2987

A guy was talking to his buddy, "I learned a very important life lesson today. I'm getting married in a few weeks and I went over to my fiancee's house to look at the wedding invitations with her mom. Her mother's really sexy, and as we were looking at the invitations, she started rubbing my leg. Within a few minutes she leaned over and asked me if I'd take her upstairs and fuck her. I immediately got up and walked out the front door. On the way out I ran into her father. He smiled and told me 'You passed our little test, son. Glad to have you in the family.'"

"So what's the life lesson?" his friend asked.

"Always keep your rubbers in the glove box."

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Not So Difficult After All

Lifehack: How do you find a needle in a haystack?

Easy... burn the fuckin' hay! Any more questions?

Ask And You Shall Receive

Every day a homeless drunk watches a guy stop and whisper to every chick that walks by. Sometimes the girl walks away a little confused. Sometimes the girl smiles, grabs the guy by the arm and they walk off to the motel across the street.

One day the homeless guy walks over and asks: "Hey buddy, what are you sayin' to those girls to get all that action?" The guy tells him: "I take the simple, direct approach. I first whisper 'Tickle your ass with a feather?' If the girl smiles and says sure, I know I've scored. But if she's offended I quickly repeat 'Particularly nasty weather' like she didn't hear me right and then just move on. Works every time!"

The drunk thinks what a great idea and decides to try it himself. Waiting on the corner he stumbles over to the first girl that walks by and shouts at her: "Shove a feather up your ass?" The girl looks totally shocked. So heeding his lesson he quickly covers by saying: "It's fucking raining."

And What Do You Do?

A guy and his date were parked on lovers lane at the top of a hill overlooking the city. Just as he made his move the gal stopped him and said: “I really should've told you this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker. If you want to get laid tonight it'll cost you 30 bucks.” Reluctantly the guy forked over the money, then screwed her in the back seat.

When they got back in front the guy just sat in the driver’s seat staring out the window. “Why aren’t we going anywhere?” the girl asked. “Well," the guy said, "I should've mentioned this before, but I’m actually a taxi driver... and the fare back to town is $35.00!”