One day two boys were walking through the woods when they came upon some rabbit shit. The first boy asked his friend: "What's that?"
"'They're smart pills," his friend told him. "Eat one and it'll make you smarter." So the boy popped one in his mouth and said: "Yech. This tastes like shit."
"See," said his friend, "you're getting smarter already."
A couple is in divorce court to decide on custody of their child. The judge asks each one to give a reason why they should be the one to keep the child.
The wife says, "Well I carried this child around in me for nine months and I had to go through a painful birth process. This is my child and a part of me." Then the judge turns to the husband and asks the same question.
The husband replies, "OK, I take a coin and put it in the drink machine and a drink comes out. Now, tell me, who does the drink belong to -- me or the machine"
