A guy comes home from work and finds his wife on her hands and knees in the kitchen scrubbing the floor. She only has an apron on so the husband gets a big hard on. Seizing the moment he quickly slips it in and starts humping her doggie style. When he's through he pulls out and at the same time hits her real hard up side the head.
"What was that for?" the wife screamed "Here I am being so nice to you, letting you really enjoy yourself. Why'd you hit me?"
The husband looks at her and says "For not looking back to see who it was."
Two young boys at school were discussing their parents, when one realized he really knew very little about his mom. Arriving home that evening, he gave his mom the third degree.
"How old are you, mom?" he asked. "None of your business," replied his mother. "Okay, then how much do you weigh?" "That's not your business either, young man." The boy thinks a minute, then delivers his final bombshell. "Well then, tell me why you and dad got divorced?" Shocked... mom sends junior to bed without any supper.
The next day, the kid reports his failure to his schoolmate. "I have the solution!" says his buddy, "Just look at her driver's license in her purse. It'll tell you everything you want to know."
Later that day, mom finds her son going through her purse with her driver's license in his hand. "Just what do you think you are doing now?" she screams.
"Well, you wouldn't answer any of my questions yesterday," says the junior detective, "so my friend told me all the answers would be right here on your license. See, you're 40 years old... you weigh 145 pounds... and daddy divorced you 'cause you got an 'F' in Sex."