What do you get when you cross a computer with a prostitute?
A fucking know-it-all.
Two guys were talkin' at the bar. The first one told his buddy: "My daughter has reached that age where she is asking embarrassing questions about sex. Just this morning she asked, 'Is that the best you can do?'"
Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
What'd the bi-polar write on the picture postcard?
"Having a wonderful time. Wish I were dead."
