A son asks his father: "What's the difference between 'potential' and 'reality'."
His father thinks for a moment then says: "Go ask your mother if she'd sleep with George Clooney for a million bucks."
So he does and mom says: "You bet I would!" The boy reports back to his father but still doesn't understand.
So the father says: "Now, go ask your sister if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks."
Off he goes to ask his sister and her reply is: "Absolutely!"
Finally the boy goes back to his dad and says: "I think I get it pop. 'Potentially' we are sitting on two million dollars here... but in 'reality' we're living with a couple of whores."
Every day a homeless drunk watches a guy stop and whisper to every chick that walks by. Sometimes the girl walks away a little confused. Sometimes the girl smiles, grabs the guy by the arm and they walk off to the motel across the street.
One day the homeless guy walks over and asks: "Hey buddy, what are you sayin' to those girls to get all that action?" The guy tells him: "I take the simple, direct approach. I first whisper 'Tickle your ass with a feather?' If the girl smiles and says sure, I know I've scored. But if she's offended I quickly repeat 'Particularly nasty weather' like she didn't hear me right and then just move on. Works every time!"
The drunk thinks what a great idea and decides to try it himself. Waiting on the corner he stumbles over to the first girl that walks by and shouts at her: "Shove a feather up your ass?" The girl looks totally shocked. So heeding his lesson he quickly covers by saying: "It's fucking raining."