My Drug Dealer Sells The Best "Crack"

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

My wife tried to goad me, "Our next door neighbor tells me her husband can make love to her 3X a day. Why can't you do that?"

I told her, "Because she always says, 'No, we might get caught.' "

And that's when the fight started...

You didn't know old Dick Johnson is a bit of a poet, did you. Yep! My dick is a Longfellow.

Why doesn't Smokey the Bear have any kids?

Because every time Mrs. Smokey gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel.