100% Guaranteed!

: Created: 14 February 2015; Hits: 2578

Valentines Day is going to be great! I'm guaranteed to fuck my wife up the ass tonight.

She's dyslexic and thinks it's Vaseline Day.

Don't Miss These Jokes!

Take A Little Off The Top

A priest goes to get his hair cut. When the barber's done, the priest goes to pay him, but the barber says, "No thanks, my friend. I couldn't take money from a man of the cloth." The next day the barber shows up for work and there's a dozen boxes of chocolates waiting for him with a thank you note from the priest.

That afternoon a rabbi comes in and the barber cuts his hair. When he gets done the rabbi goes to pay him, but the barber says, "No thanks, my friend, I couldn't take money from a man of the cloth."

The next day when he shows up for work, there's a dozen rabbis waiting for him.

We Do It Every Year

Last Xmas Aunt Ellen hung herself.

As a traditional family, we didn't take her down until after New Year's.

Never Drink And Drive

A guy is driving home when a cop pulls him over.
The cop says, "Have you been drinking?"
The guy says, "Yes, I have."
The cop says, "Please step out of the car."
The guy says, "Why? Don't you believe me?"