What's the difference between a pickpocket and a Peeping Tom? A pickpocket snatches watches.
Guy bought his wife a new coat and a dildo. Figured if she didn't like the coat, she could go fuck herself.
I know I've been married too long. Last week I went to the doctor. He asked: "Have you had sex in the last seven days?" And I said: "No, my birthday's in April."
I was scewing my wife when suddenly I stopped and didn't move. She asked: "What are you doing?"
I told her: "I saw this online on a porn site. It's called buffering"
And that's when the fight started...
