What’s the difference between being hungry and horny?
Where you put the cucumber.
What do you get when you cross a whore with a systems engineer?
A fuckin know-it-all!
Women are like guns.
Keep one around long enough and you're going to want to shoot it.
My wife and I were lying in bed last night. She gently leaned over and whispered: "I'm going to make you the happiest man in the world."
So I leaned over and whispered back: "I'm going to miss you."
And that's when the fight started...
