Ruled By A Dictator

My dick's so big it was overthrown by a military coup. It's now known as the Democratic Republic of My Dick.

Have you heard about the new line of tampons with bells and tinsel?

It's for the Christmas period.

What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass?

A Mechanic.

My wife wanted to convince me of the benefits of marriage. So she argued "You know married men live longer than single men."

I shot back: "That's not true, it only seems longer."

And that's when the fight started....