Always Right

My wife was fishing for a compliment. So she asked me: "So, do you think you married Miss Right."

I said: "Yeah, I just didn't know your first name was 'Always.'"

And that's when the fight started...

I told my wife I was so pleased she treated me like a God. She looked at me and asked, "What do you mean?"

I told her, "Every evening at dinner you give me a burnt offering."

And that's when the fight started...

My wife and I were discussing the recent death of a friend. She asked me: "Why do you think men die before their wives?"

I said: "Because they want to."

And that's when the fight started...

Where does a one-legged waitress work?

IHOP

What's her name?

Ilene