The One Thing Not To Do

What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from an old woman have in common?

You don't look down.

How can you tell if a chick is too fat to screw?

You pull her pants down and her ass is still in 'em.

What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?

Gloves!

Just kidding, I don't know what he got, he hasn't opened it yet.

My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look too big.

I told her not as much as the dress that she had worn yesterday.

And that's when the fight started...