What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from an old woman have in common?
You don't look down.
How do you get five hundred cows in a barn?
Put up a "Bingo" sign.
College professor to her creative writing class, "Your assignment - write the shortest story you can that includes religion, sex and mystery."
Only one girl got an A on her paper. She wrote: "Good God, I'm pregnant ... I wonder who did it?"
What do you call a guy who can sit on an ice cream cone and tell you the flavor?
A smartass!