Just Plain Funny

PlainFunny400X200 Not every laugh has to be a dick joke!

: Created: 20 June 2016; Hits: 3467

On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students about the dormitory rules: "The women's dorm will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the men's dorm will be off limits to all female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?"

One male student raised his hand and asked, "How much for a season pass?"

: Created: 18 June 2016; Hits: 2714

A man goes to a $10 hooker and gets the crabs.

When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, "What do you expect for $10 -- lobster?"

: Created: 15 June 2016; Hits: 3037

A guy visits the psychiatrist and tells him: "Doc, I need help, I think I'm turning into a dog. Every morning when I wake up I scratch behind my ear, like I'm looking for fleas. Then in the afternoon I run around in circles, like I'm chasing my tail. By the evening I lay down and lick my balls, just because I can. Doc, this has got to stop."

The doctor looks at him and asks: "Do you want to stop now?" The guy says: "Yes, yes"

So the doctor rolls up a magazine, swats the guy on the ass and yells: "Get off the couch!"

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Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?

It helps them remember which end to wipe...

Things Are Not Always What They Seem To Be

At the Senior Citizens' mixer, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish. Since both of them were widowed they decided to go fishing together the next day. The gentleman picked the lady up and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started out on their adventure.

They were riding down the river when there was a fork in the river and the gentleman asks the lady, "Do you want to go up or down?" All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt and pants and made mad passionate love to the man right in the boat. When finished the man couldn't believe what had just happened, but he had just experienced the best sex that he'd had in years.

They fished for a while and then continued on down the river when soon they came upon another fork in the river. He asked the lady, "Do you want to go up or down?" There she went again, stripped off and made wild passionate love to him again. This really impressed the old gentleman so he asked her to go fishing again the next day.

She said yes and so here they were the next day, riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in the river and the gentleman asks, "Well, do you want to go up or down?" The woman replied, "Down." A little puzzled, the gentleman drove the boat down the river when he came upon another fork in the river and he asks the lady, "Do you want to go up or down?" She replied, "Up."

This really confused the gentleman so he asks, "What's the deal? Every time yesterday that I asked you if you wanted to go up or down you made mad passionate love to me. Now today, nothing." She replied, "Well, yesterday I didn't have my hearing aid in and I thought you said 'fuck or drown'!"

A Military Question

What's the difference between zebras and female Marines?

Zebras don't have to suck anybody's dick to get their stripes.