An Age Old Question

Your wife & your lawyer are drowning, so you have to choose. What do you do: go to lunch or catch a movie?

How do you know when you are getting old?

When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.

My wife and I were having a discussion about heaven. I told her she shouldn't worry 'cause she'll never get there. She asked: "How can you say that?"

I told her: "Because dragons never fly above 8,000 feet."

And that's when the fight started...

What's the difference between medium and rare?

6 inches is medium, 8 inches is rare.