Guy tells his brother, "I have to go to out of town for a couple of weeks. I need to leave my cat with you. Please take real good care of her." His brother says, "Relax. I got this."
A few days later, he calls his brother and asks, "So, how's my cat?" His brother tells him, "The cat's dead."
"Geeeez" says the guy, "Why'd you have to be so blunt? Couldn't you have broken it to me a little more gently? Like, you could have told me the cat was on the roof, and you had to call the Fire Department. But just before they got there, she slipped and fell to the ground. So you scooped her up and rushed her to the vet. But there was nothing he could do to save her. Something like that would have been much more sensitive." His brother says, "Whatever."
So then the guy asks, "How's Mom?"
His brother thinks for a moment then says, "Uh... Mom's on the roof ..."
After dinner last night my wife looked at me with those eyes of hers and sweetly asked: "Honey, is it OK if we change positions tonight?" "Sure" I replied.
"Great" She said, "You do the dishes and I'll go sit on the couch and fart!"
A husband asks his wife: "If I died, would you marry again?" The wife replies lovingly: "Oh darling, of course I wouldn’t. I’d go and live with my sister. And if I died, would you remarry?"
The husband looks at her and says: "No, I think I’d go and live with your sister too."
