What is the flattest surface you can iron your jeans on?
A white chick's ass.
Put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together... what do you have?
100 people who don't do dick.
Last Christmas grandpa surprised eveyone and made snow angels.
He skidded on the ice and took out three pedestrians.
My wife called me on Valentines Day and said, "Three of the girls here in the office have just received some flowers for Valentine's Day. They are absolutely gorgeous."
I said, "That's probably why they received flowers."
And that's when the fight started...
