Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit!
What is the difference between acne and a catholic priest?
Acne usually comes on a boy's face after he turns 12.
Three women were talking about what's it like in bed with their husbands.
The first said, "My husband is like a Rolls-Royce; smooth and sophisticated."
The second said, "Mine is like a Porsche; fast and powerful."
The third said, "Mine is like an antique Chevy. I have to start it by hand and then jump on once it gets going."
What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
Putting her back in the wheelchair when you're done.
(Hope that one wasn't too bad!)