Is Delivery Included?

My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.

(With thanks to the great Henny Youngman.)

Wife comes out of a beauty salon and asks husband: "So, how do I look?"

"Well, at least you tried..."

And that's when the fight started...

A doctor examining a little old man tells him, "You're suffering from exhaustion. How often do you have sex?"

The old guy says, "Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday."

The doc says, "Well, that could be the problem. Maybe you should try eliminating Wednesdays."

The old guy replies, "I can't, Doc. That's the only night I go home."

What's better than a rose on your piano?

Tulips on your organ.