Why'd my wife cross the road?To get back to the shoe store we were in three fucking hours ago.
Did you hear about the butcher who backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
(And in case you are wondering, yes, I'll be here all night!)
Just booked a table for me and the wife for Valentine's Day.
Hope the bitch knows how to play snooker.
A guy is interviewing a blonde for a job.
He says, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"
She says, "The living one."