How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
Three guys and a girl are marooned on a desert island. After one week, the girl is so ashamed of what she's doing, she kills herself.
After another week, the guys are so ashamed of what they're doing, they bury her.
After another week, they're so ashamed of what they're doing, they dig her up again.
I came home one evening and my wife was in the kitchen crying.
She told me she had baked me a pie and the dog ate it.
I told her: "Don't cry honey. I'll buy you another dog."
And that's when the fight started.
Nursing homes now give Viagra to the old guys living there.
Keeps them from rolling out of bed.
