A guy walks into a bar with an octopus and says, "This is a very talented octopus. He can play any instrument in the world. I'll give five hundred bucks to anybody who has an instrument that the octopus can't play."
A guy walks up with a guitar, the octopus takes it, and starts playing like Jimi Hendrix. Another guy walks up with a trumpet, and the octopus plays it better than Dizzy Gillespie.
A third guy walks up with bagpipes. He sits it down, the octopus fumbles with it for a minute, and then he sets it down with a confused look. The guy says, "Hah! You can't play it?"
The octopus looks at him and says, "Play it? As soon as I get its pajamas off, I'm gonna fuck it."
An old man walked into a doctor's office to find a crowded waiting room. When he approached the front desk the receptionist asked, "Yes sir, how may we help you?"
"There's something wrong with my penis," he said out loud.
The receptionist became irritated and admonished the old guy, "You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say such things in that fashion."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he answered.
"Because" replied the receptionist. "You've obviously caused some embarrassment in this room full of strangers. You should have been more delicate and said somehting like 'there's something wrong with my ear.' Then you could have discussed the problem further with the doctor in private."
"Ah... I see." said the old man. Then he proceeded to walk out of the office. waited several minutes and returned. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked "Yes?"
This time the old man stated "There's something wrong with my ear". The receptionist nodded approvingly. "And what is wrong with your ear, sir?"
