Read Him His Rights

A female officer arrests a drunk. She warns him: "Anything you say can and will be held against you."

So he shouts back: "Tits"

So I went to the doctor for a physical and he told me I should stop jerking off. I asked him why should I stop?

He told me: "Because you're at a physical."

My girlfriend's dad asked me what I do.

Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.

What did the two lesbian frogs say to each other?

Wow! We do taste just like chicken!