My girlfriend thought I had a small penis.
I thought she was just shallow.
Why won't cannibals eat divorced women?
They're too bitter.
My apartment is full of Valentine's cards.
I'm not some kind of stud.
I'm a lazy bastard postman.
After a night of drinking, drugs and wild sex, I woke up to find myself next to a really ugly woman.
That's when I realized I made it home safely.
