Sex is like a bank account.
First you put it in. Once you take it out you lose interest.
What's brown and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven's First Movement.
When I was 16, my dad sat me down and said, "Dick, someday you're gonna meet a girl who's gonna be so right and so wonderful and so perfect that you're not even gonna haggle about the price."
How are a lawyer and a prostitute different?
The prostitute stops fucking you after you're dead.
