A nun walks into a liquor store and says, "Give me a pint of brandy." The guy says, "Sister, I've never sold alcohol to a nun." She says, "It's for the Mother Superior, she's constipated."
So he sells it to her. Later that night, he walks out, and there's the nun on the stoop, with the empty bottle, drunk as a skunk, singing and laughing. He says, "Sister, for shame. You told me the bottle was for the Mother Superior's constipation."
The nun says, "It is. She's constipated, and when she sees me, she's gonna shit."
This lady is shopping in a supermarket when she notices a handsome muscular boy doing the bagging at one of the checkouts. Making sure she goes through his line, she leans over and asks if he'll carry her groceries out, to which he responds, "Sure lady."
They no sooner get out of the store when she again leans over and whispers, "You know, I have an itchy pussy."
The young man responds, "You'll have to point it out lady, all those Japanese cars look alike to me!"
