Women Are A Mystery

Why can't a woman ever be satisfied?

Because no man has a dick made out of chocolate that shoots money.

I turned my whole life around.

I used to be depressed and miserable. Now I'm miserable and depressed.

What's a necrophiliac's biggest complaint about sex?

She just kinda lays there.

Gal to cashier: "I'm in a hurry, can you please check me out?"

Clerk looks her up & down: "Nice tits, babe!"