Definition of love: Your heart melts and comes squirting out the end of your dick.
How many Freudian psychaitrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change the bulb and the other to hold the penis. Ladder! I meant ladder.
Three guys are sitting in a bar bitching about how stupid their wives are.
The first guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carries an automatic garage door opener in her car and we don't even have a garage."
The second guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she listens to her iPod and she doesn't have any earphones for it."
The third guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carries a purse full of condoms and she doesn't even have a dick."
Old guy calls a plumber. "There's a leak over my kitchen table."
The plumber asks him "When did you first notice it?"
"After it took me two hours to finish my soup last night."
