Definition of love: Your heart melts and comes squirting out the end of your dick.
Why were there only two pallbearers at the homeless guy's funeral?
There are only two handles on a garbage can.
Maid: "I want a raise. I fuck better than you."
Wife: "My husband said that?"
"No, all the landscapers."
What is the definition of "making love"?
Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.
