Two guys are in a doctor's waiting room. The first guy asks, "Why're you here?" The second guy says, "Endoscopy. He's going down my throat with a camera. Why're you here?"
The first guy replies, "Camera up the ass." The second guy remarks, "Oh, a colonoscopy?"
The first guy tells him, "Nah. My old lady caught me taking pictures of the neighbor's wife sunbathing naked."
A lady gets on a train with her baby. A guy sitting across from her looks at the baby and starts laughing hysterically.
He says, "Lady, that's the ugliest kid I've ever seen. It looks like a monkey. What an ugly kid."
The lady freaks out, and goes running into the next car sobbing uncontrollably. The conductor sees her, comes over to her to console her.
He says, "Lady, relax...things are going to be all right...we'll get off at the next stop, get a cup of coffee...maybe we'll even find a banana for your monkey."
