My dick is so big, it won't return Spielberg's calls.
What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common?
They both like a tight seal.
A priest is walking down the street and passes by a prostitute who yells out, "$20 for a handjob!"
He keeps walking but later he asks a nun, "What's a handjob?"
She replies, "20 bucks... same as in town."
I told my wife: "Honey, I don't like how you look with the new glasses on." She said: "Sweetheart, I don't wear any glasses."
I said: "Yeah, but I do."
And that's when the fight started...
