What is the difference between a phillip and a flathead?
Easy! I can't flathead her ass with my dick.
What do you get when cross an attorney with a feminist?
A lawyer who won't fuck you.
A guy in a bar stands up & says, "All lawyers are assholes." Another guy stands up & says "Hey...I resent that..." The first guy says, "Why? Are you a lawyer?"
The second guy says, "No. I'm an asshole."
What do Dracula's girlfriend and a washed up boxer have in common?
They both go down for the count!