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Very Much The Same

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What do a condom & a coffin have in common?

You cum in one, go in the other & they both contain stiffs.

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He Takes The Crown

Who's the world's greatest athlete?

The guy who finishes first and third in a masturbation contest.

This Game Is Hard!

What does a Rubik's Cube and a dick have in common?

The more you play with it the harder it gets.

A Better Approach

Two drunks are about to leave the bar at closing time when one says: "Man I hate getting home at this hour. All I want to do is crawl into bed and crash. But the old lady is waitin' up and won't stop raggin' on me for stayin' out late and comin' home drunk."

His friend tells him: "I found the perfect solution. Instead of tryin' to sneak in I slam the front door and scream out 'Wake up honey I wanna fuck!' When I do that she always pretends to be asleep!"