What do you call a 350-pound stripper?
Broke.
When I die, I want to go like my Grandfather...in his sleep.
Not screaming like the other passengers in his car.
Dick's Advice: Best way to avoid an alcohol-related accident? Get so fucked up you can't find your car.
My wife asked me to guess what she wanted for her birthday.
So I said: "Your face from 10 years ago?"
And that's when the fight started...
