Shoulda Used A Towel

My girlfriend caught me drying my dick with the hair dryer. She asked: "What are you doing?"

Apparently "Heating up your dinner." wasn't the right answer.

How do you paralyze a woman from the waist down?

Marry her.

What do you call a musician with no girlfriend?

Homeless.

What's the difference between a hooker and a mosquito?

The hooker sucks harder when you smack her.