What's the difference between a penis and a bonus?
Your wife will always blow your bonus!
What'd the hockey player get on his SAT's?
Drool.
Two old ladies are sitting on the park bench feeding the pigeons. Suddenly the first one says to her friend: "Did you just fart?"
Her friend answers: "Of course I did. You think I always smell like this?"
A lawyer asks his partner, "Are you fucking the new secretary?"
The partner tells him, "No."
So the first lawyer says, "Great! Then you fire her."
