What's the difference between a penis and a bonus?
Your wife will always blow your bonus!
A cop pulls a guy over and gives him the breathalyzer test.
The cop is so shocked he says: "Jesus man... you are REALLY drunk."
The guy looks up and says; "Thank God. I thought my steering went out."
My wife's losing weight now thanks to a weight loss club. She goes near the fridge, I hit her with the club.
The bell rings at a whorehouse.
The madam answers the door and finds a guy with no arms and no legs. She looks at him and says: "What'ya think you're gonna do in here?"
He says: "Hey... I rang the bell, didn't I?"
