As Far As The Eye Can See

Two blondes are talking geography. The first one asks: "Which do you think is further away, Florida or the moon?"

Her pal replies: "Hellooo, can you see Florida from here?"

Make Sure It's Tight

What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common?

They both like a tight seal.

The Race Is On

A guy walks into a bar, orders 12 shots & starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender asks, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"

The guy says, "You would be drinking fast, too, if you had what I had." The bartender asks, "What do you have?"

The guy says, "75 cents."

Not A Total Loss

Guy gets home from work on the day the stock market tumbled looking visibly upset. His wife asks: "Honey, what's the matter?"

He tells her: "I can't believe I lost half my money and I still have you."

And that's when the fight started...